He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
