Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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