this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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