Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
