i love accidental penises.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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