Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Welp...herpes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
