After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
