jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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