i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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