people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
