she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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