the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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