I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
NoShamevember. You game?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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