Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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