Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If I die, sorry about rent.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
