You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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