508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
