You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
