my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
