sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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