I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
