I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you never un-have a 4some
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
