My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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