I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
