I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
