Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
