I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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