did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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