I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
