the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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