literally had 100 drinks last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
