I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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