She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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