you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
