idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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