Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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