haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
