Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
