just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
