Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
