I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
