yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
