The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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