Where is the hickey?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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