Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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