I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
