I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We are two peas in an std pod
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
