She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
