dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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