I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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