I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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