R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
