I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
