All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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