Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
